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Friday, June 18, 2004



CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK

"Written" by Jim Wheat and Ken Wheat

Directed by David Twohy

Starring Vin Diesel, Thandie Newton, and the guy who looks a lot like Alex P. Keaton's Dad.

I don't know why I even have to review a movie like The Chronicles of Riddick. This review is a week or so late--showing my disdain for this type of movie. Could you not tell the movie was a steaming turd by watching the trailer? I feel a bit out of the loop because I did not even know it was a sequel to the extremely underwhelming Pitch Black from a few years back. This story is the continuing "adventures" of Riddick the Furion who can see in the dark. An amazing character trait by the way. He's up against an alien race who are sort of a cross between The Borg and ancient Greeks or something. A death-obsessed race called Necro--something-or-others is trying to take over the universe and there's some old prophecy about some Furion killing the leader of the aliens and of course it might just be Riddick. Ho hum. Featuring great ear-delicious dialog like when Vin Diesel gets a whiff of Thandie Newton, the Lady MacBeth of the story who is trying to get her Necro-alien husband to kill the leader and usurp his throne, he (Vin) says, "It's been a long time since I smelled...beautiful." That's as good as it gets, folks. There's also a confusing and boring foot chase scene on a really hot planet called "Crematoria" (so clever). I kept wanting them to go to the planet "Whipcreamia" so Thandie Newton could roll around in some stuff.

So there's my half-assed review. STAY AWAY...REPEAT...STAY AWAY FROM THIS MOVIE IF YOU VALUE A DOLLAR.

Mil out.